Sunday, September 21, 2008

Because I'm sick of "flood blogging"

I'm sure you are, too.

1.My uncle once: belonged to a nudist colony and drove a 1964 pink Cadillac with HUGE tailfins.

2.Never in my life: will I skydive.

3.When I was five: my parents took me to a zoo. I was wearing a red shirt and a buffalo charged me, hit the fence and startled me so bad I fell down.

4.High school was: the funnest time in my life.

5.I will never forget: my wedding day. The...uh...third one.

6.Once I met: Todd Rundgren, up close and personal. Well really, he ran into me (literally) at a downtown St. Louis hotel.

7.There’s this girl I know: who won't eat spaghetti or cheesecake, but loves beef tongue.

8.Once, at a bar: my ex husband and I did the nasty on the beer cooler. Hey...the bar was closed.

9.By noon, I’m usually: ready for lunch...or a nap...or both.

10.Last night: I fished off the deck and made cookies.

11.If only I had: a million bucks.

12.Next time I go to church: it'll probably spontaneously combust.

13.What worries me most: is centipedes in my bed.

14.When I turn my head left I see: the wall with a shelf and a Chat Noir poster.

15.When I turn my head right I see: the living room.

16.You know I’m lying when: oh, mon won't know.

17.What I miss most about the Eighties is: absolutely fuckin nothin. The Eighties had no redeeming qualities, whatsoever. The music sucked. Styles sucked. The economy sucked. It was sucky.

18.If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Audrey in As You Like It.

19.By this time next year: I'll be another year older.

20.A better name for me would be: Countess Aerola Fritattapopolous.

21.I have a hard time understanding: why people argue about religion or politics. There's never been a "right" answer to either subject...and there never will be.

22.If I ever go back to school: I'd become a sex therapist. Or a veterinarian.

23.You know I like you if: you're not a pompous ass, you don't brag about all your posessions and you're not a whiner.

24.If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the person bestowing the award.

25.Take my advice: never, ever stick your fingers in a meat grinder. Not that I've ever done it. It just doesn't sound like a fun thing to do.

26.My ideal breakfast is: eggs, sausage links, hash browns, grits with salt, pepper and butter and biscuits and gravy. Burp!

27.A song I love but do not have is: I have all the songs I love. Because I love 'em.

28.If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: drive a big, ole four-wheel drive truck with loud mufflers and a "piss on Ford/Chevy" sticker in the winder and a cooler fulla beer in the bed, know where the best huntin/fishin spots are, getcher hair cut in a mullet and become a NASCAR fan. You'll blend right in with the locals.

29.Why won’t people: stop walkin and drivin around with a cell phone stuck to the side of their head? Why in the hell does anyone wanna be that accessible, 24/7? And I'll letcha in on a little secret. It doesn't make ya look important.

30.If you spend a night at my house: you'll never wanna go home.

31.I’d stop my wedding so: I could start it all over again. It was the funnest wedding I've ever been to. Or in. heh

32.The world could do without: rap music, spiders and diarrhea.

33.I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: lick the belly of Michael Moore.

34.My favorite blonde(s) is/are: me.

35.Paper clips are more useful than: nose boogers.

36.If I do anything well it’s: procrastinate.

37.I can’t help but: lovin dat man o'mine.

38.I usually cry: when I have an orgasm. Scared the shit outa Ziggy the first time. heh

39.My advice to my child/nephew/niece: don't sweat the small shit.

40.And by the way: I once drove a pickup truck and pulled a U-haul right through downtown rush hour...while smokin a cigarette, drinkin coffee and fuckin wit' da radio. The ex husband was cowering in the passenger seat, hiding his eyes with his hands. Pussy.

Swiped from
  • House of Zathras
  • .


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