A friend might bail you out of jail...

...but a good friend will be sittin beside you in the cell, sayin, "Damn... that was fun!"


No, we didn't wind up in jail, though I'm pretty sure there was a law or two broken somewhere along the way. heh

This edition of the "Grannies Gone Wild" weekend has been deemed a resounding success.

We drank a few beers, ate really well and lost our asses at the casino.

Unfortunately, my ass found it's way back home, dammit. It must have it's own built-in GPS system. No matter where I lose the damn thing, it always finds it's way back.

We also laughed like hyenas more than a few times, talked until our lips were numb, slept like we were dead and just had a damn fine time, in general.

Friday's trip down was fun. The constant stream of chatter made the nearly 4 hour trip seem pretty short. We got to St. Charles, got checked in at the hotel and I called "The Princess" to let her know we were there. As soon as she got off work, she buzzed by to make plans for the evening. I hadn't seen her since Easter, and she looked pretty much the same...except for that big, honkin diamond ring on her left ring finger.

We decided we'd hit one of our favorite spots downtown,

RT Weilers

for a few drinks and supper. Great food and service, nice, upscale, "family-bar" type atmosphere. If you're ever in the downtown St. Charles area, I highly recommend it.

Feeling lucky, we decided to hit the casino after supper. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Saturday dawned...overcast and slightly steamy. Not really feeling like shopping, Jules had the brilliant idea to take the Golden Eagle ferry (13 bucks per carload, round-trip) back across the river to the Illinois side to another favorite of ours and have some lunch at

Kinder's

. So we did, and it was the perfect outing. 'Course, I'm happy anywhere around water.











While waiting on the food, (they have an awesome collection of appetizers) Jules did a little texting and Jill...well, I think she had a nap. heh



After our fabulous al fresco lunch, we headed back across the river...again...and decided to do a little shopping. So we did.

Saturday evening found us back at the casino...again. Ok, so we didn't tear the place up. But we had fun.

We did score a super deal on supper at the casino buffet, though. Jill had a coupon, and with her "casino points", supper for two (which would have been in the neighborhood of fifty bucks) wound up costing just eight. The food was uncommonly good for a casino buffet, too. The desserts, however, were just short of spectacular.

I'm pretty sure that that sugar free coconut cream pie helped cancel out the flan...and the cheesecake...and the brownie.

Ok, so we didn't eat it all. We just...sampled.

Sunday morning found us meeting up with Jules again for an artery-clogging breakfast at Waffle House before our long drive home. I ain't lyin when I told ya we ate good. Ain't nothin better than greasy eggs and grits at Waffle House. heh

Anywho, the weekend was an all-out, genuine blast. If we'd have actually done something crazy...like win a little on the slots...well, it'd have been nice. But I don't think even that could have made it more fun.

Now you'll hafta excuse me. I'm in the midst of making supper. A great....big....

salad.

I think I'll be eatin a lotta salad this week. heh

Grannies gone wild!

Once again, it's time for another "Grannies Gone Wild" weekend.

'Course, the tornado siren's goin off here in town right now, so I might get blown away before I get to...go wild.

We had to cancel our big Fourth of July/Cheeseburger in Paradise bash due to nasty weather, so I need a little something to help soothe my disappointment. heh

My cohort in crime, Jill, and I are heading to quaint, picturesque

St. Charles, Missouri

for a long weekend of shopping, gambling, eating, shopping, drinking...well, you get the idea.

We'll also try to squeeze in a visit to "The Princess", aka my daughter, Jules.

This'll be our first "girls only" weekend this year, so I'm really looking forward to it.

In fact, I've already packed. heh

Well....that was certainly....exciting

Nothin like the sound of gunfire...close gunfire...to get the ole adrenalin pumpin. Makes ya feel...alive.

So. I had the occasion to be down in the southern-most portion of the city late this afternoon. I was on the street just to the south side of Harrison Homes...can't remember what it was.

Aaanywho, I got about mid-block, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw 4 or 5 young guys standing about...I dunno...25-30 feet from the sidewalk, maybe. I didn't pay a whole lot of attention. I get just past 'em and...

BLAM!

Did you know that it is possible to duck and floor the accelerator at the same time? 'Course, ya can't see where you're goin, but that's just a small detail.

My very first thought was fireworks. And then I remembered just exactly where I was.

I went around the corner onto Montana on two wheels, I think. And heard another...

BLAM!

Ok, that was definitely not fireworks.

And, I've gotta tell ya...I'm such a dork. My second thought?

Marge Gunderson in "Fargo" (my favorite movie of all time), wearin her hat with the ear flaps and yellin, "Shots fired! Shots fired!"

I whip around the corner onto Griswold and as I'm digging in my purse for my cell phone to call 911, the popo comes wheelin around the corner, headed in the right direction.

So, I'm out on Adams, about half-way through town and sittin at a stop light...and I start laughin hysterically...about me thinkin about Marge Gunderson...at a time like that.

If anybody'd have seen me, they'd have thought I'd lost my mind. heh

Circles

It was beautiful yesterday. It was one of those days you wish you'd have taken a picture of.

So I did. (click on photos to enlarge)

We had a big thunderstorm Saturday night, so Sunday was one of those crisp, clear, reasonably cool days...ya know what I'm talkin about? The days that feel like they've been scrubbed clean and everything just sparkles.

In other words, it was the perfect day to take out Rhett (our 'vert) and give him a run for his money. And run, he did.

Despite his age, he can still keep up with the best of 'em.

What better accessory for a car named "Rhett" than a pirate flag?


We headed up 29 and took a sharp left towards Camp Grove. I'd never been there before...and frankly, I hadn't missed much. It was a beautiful drive, though. I looooved all the enormous, sculptural windmills, juxtaposed with the rolling corn fields and old barns.




We looped around Bradford, stopping at the local Casey's for a pee and a drink...in that order...then on to Henry, crossing the bridge and following the river down the other side, through Lacon and Spring Bay.

We wound up in Creve-tucky, at Captain Ron's, a beer-and-sandwich joint that hangs out over the river. See? No matter what we do, we're always drawn back to the muddy Illinois.




Sunburned and bellies full of Reuben sandwiches, fried dill pickles and home-made tenderloins (YUM!), we headed back across the river, winding up again on 29 and circling our way back home.

You might wind up with salmonella or typhus...

...but by golly, you'll have a nice, shiny new museum to visit.

Over the last several years, I've tried really hard not to blog about work. I happen to love what I do and would hate to think that something as trivial as a blog post would cause me to lose my job.

However, now that's more than likely a moot point.

I mentioned in an

earlier post

that the possibility exists that I'll soon be on the dole. That possibility is becoming more like a probability.

The PJStar mentioned it

here

, too.

As our administrator said the other day in a meeting, there's a "perfect storm" happening right now. Many of the programs that are administered by the Peoria City/County Health Department are funded by grants. Those grants will just...go away...if the State of Illinois isn't able to reach an agreement on a budget. In addition, the county, which also partially funds the HD, is in some pretty dire financial straits as well.

Just one of those issues might be manageable. Put the two together and it paints a pretty bleak picture for the Health Department.

"So what?", you say. "It won't affect me. The state and county budget is bloated and ineffective, anyway."

I agree with that. To a point.

But are you sure it won't affect you?

Do you have well water that needs tested? Sorry. You'll have to send the sample to Springfield and wait...and wait. In the meantime, feel free to drink the water. A little typhus never hurt anybody.

Wanna eat out? Are you sure the food is safe to eat? Aww, go ahead. Live dangerously. The Health Department doesn't have the funds to hire restaurant inspectors anymore. Make sure you follow your server into the bathroom...just to make sure he/she washes her hands. After all...the Health Department doesn't provide signs anymore...and they might forget. Salmonella really isn't too bad. Botulism or Hepatitis? Ewww...good luck.

How about flu season? Sorry. No more $30 (or free if you can't afford to pay for it) flu shots at the Health Department. You'll have to see your own physician...and pay $100. Oh...and thinking about traveling abroad? Nope. We can't do foreign travel immunizations anymore, either. And good luck getting them from your own doc...most of them don't normally stock cholera vaccine.

Think you might have an STD, don't have insurance and are too embarrassed to see a regular doc? Too bad, so sad. You'll have to go to the emergency room. After all...if you don't have the money for it, the state'll pick up the tab, right? And you know the ER will teach you how to not get infected again. /sarcasm.

Are you young, pregnant and have virtually no family support. Tough. You're on your own, sister. You won't have a helpful case manager to call anymore to encourage you to get an education, to teach you how to become self-sufficient, to teach you how to care for your baby, to offer moral support.

Are you an infant with multiple medical problems? Remember that nice nurse that used to come and see you every couple of months and do a complete physical to make sure you're still doing ok? Sorry. You won't see her anymore. Your young, inexperienced mom is on her own. Good luck! I hope you don't grow up to have a severe learning disability, which requires you to suck even more funds from that bloated state government.

Worried about West Nile Virus? Awww...put on some OFF and shaddup. I hear living on a vent isn't really that bad. Oh! And then you can go on disability...and probably get just all kinds of public aid.

What if...just what if this H1N1 virus decides to get really nasty this fall? Oh, the Health Department has plenty of vaccine. Just no employees to administer the shots.

What if some other nasty bug rears it's ugly head? Same deal. The HD might have a vaccine...but no employees to administer it.

What if there's a natural disaster...like a tornado? Again, the HD might have much-needed supplies. But you'll have to come and get 'em yourself. And, gawd forbid...what if some whackjob like Ahmadinnerjacket decides to douse the good, old USA with some kinda biological agent? Best to breathe deep and just get it over with quick. Again, the HD has supplies...but no employees to get 'em to the people.

Need free condoms? Sorry. You'll just have to get pregnant so you and your baby can go on welfare. That's waaaay cheaper than free condoms, right?

I could go on and on. But I think you get the picture.

I'll be ok without my job. I'll miss it like hell...but I'll be ok. And I'll just keep telling all my co-workers that won't be ok that "It's better here". Yea. That's what I'll say.

As for the State of Illinois...well...what can I say? It's always been this way, and I don't see politicians developing any kind of compassion for their constituents any time soon. It's always been a buncha lip service and tryin to prove who has the biggest balls.

And Peoria County obviously thinks that building a gazillion dollar, white elephant of a museum is far more important than maybe saving a life or two. Or a thousand.

I'm just so...disappointed.

The things ya see when ya don't have a gun

Perhaps the world is better off without me having a concealed carry card

Like that silver Mitsubishi Outlander pullin a U-ie right in front of me, right smack dab in the middle of Main Street this afternoon.

Shit-fer-brains.

Or like the dude in McDonald's on University, moppin the floor with his damn pants hangin below his skinny ass-cheeks.

Ok...I've gotta elaborate on this one.

Because of several important...and I use that term very lightly...meetings at work today, I didn't get a chance to go to lunch til about 2. I knew I had an appointment waaaay the hell out in BFE at 3:30, so I wanted something quick.

I stopped in MickeyD's and ordered a salad and an iced tea.

As I sat there, eating my salad, I noticed this young guy...really tall and really skinny...come walkin around the corner of the counter with a bucket and mop.

He moved with a lassitude that can only be described as...painful. It was like swingin that mop was just way more than he could handle. Poor thing. He surely must suffer from some dreadful, debilitating disease that causes excruciating agony with any small movement.

Uh huh.

As he lethargically swiped at the floor with the dirty mop, I happened to notice that the back of his pants were, indeed, hanging just under his scrawny ass-cheeks, fully exposing his gray boxers.

I mean...c'mon...gray underpants? If you're gonna show yer ass, hadn't ya oughta pick some damn underwear that's a little more colorful?

And on what fucking planet is this supposed to pass for "style"? And just why in the hell do we seem to think this is ok?

They don't look cool. They don't look...whatever the trendy word is now. It's not a fucking political statement of some kind. They just look like a buncha half-wits, walkin around with their pants hangin under their ass.

I'm pretty damn sure if I went walkin around with my pants hangin under my ass cheeks, somebody'd complain about it. Maybe I oughta try that sometime...just to see what would happen.

Anywho, McDonald's wasn't very busy, so I had nothin better to watch.

About every second or third swipe with the mop, he'd give his pants a hike up...and they'd slide right back down, coming to a rest just at that little fold under his pretty much nonexistent butt.

I was mesmerized at the rhythm of it all.

Swipe...swipe...yank. Swipe...swipe...yank. Swipe...swipe...yank.

I mean, it totally defied all the laws of physics. What the hell kept 'em from just sliding right down around his ankles?

Well, there was only one thing I could think of. And I didn't wanna think about that.

What I really wanted to do, was walk up to him and kick him right square in the ass, and in my best Jimmy Cagney...or maybe it was Edward G. Robinson...I don't remember...voice, say, "Pull yer pants up, Spartacus!"

Well, it's a hot one...

...like seven inches from the midday sun...

At 4:20 pm this afternoon, I was sittin at a stop light, right downtown on Adams...and my car thermometer read 103.

One hundred and three freakin degrees.

I thought it might just be a fluke, but a couple of bank thermometers backed it up.

Here at the River Rat Retreat, the breeze from the river makes it a balmy 97.

But I mean...really...when it gets this hot, what's a measly 6 degrees?

As if the heat isn't bad enough, the humidity, which is like 85%, makes it feel positively sauna-ish and shoves the heat index up from "barely tolerable" to "strip nekkid and play in the hose". It's far worse than I remember ever experiencing when I lived in Florida. There was at least a friggin breeze there. Here, nothing. The air is just dead and still.

Far as I'm concerned, whoever invented air conditioning is a friggin god.

We had a wheelie busy weekend

My shiny, new Huffy. Which is what I'll be doin the first few times I ride 'er. heh


Notice the wide, wiiiiide seat? Just perfect for my wide, wiiiide ass. Now, I need a basket...and maybe a squeezy-horn...oh, and maybe some streamers for the handlebars.

Not to be outdone, da Zigster just hadda have some new wheels, too. Ok...so it was ok with me, too.

(As with all photos, click on to embiggen)

Ain't he pretty? I think I'll name him "Rhett". The finish reminds me of Clark Gable's black and Brylcreemed hair. heh




While the exterior isn't in pristine shape, it is excellent for a 17 year old car. In fact, it's excellent for a 5 year old car. I swear ta gawd, though...the real leather interior looks like it's fresh off the showroom floor.


It's got power...everything, which I'm not too crazy about, but it all still works. And all things considered, I guess if we hafta pay to have one of the buttons fixed, it ain't that big a deal.


I don't think the boot has ever had anything in it except the top cover.


And the best part?

That's actual miles. On the original engine. And, it was a one owner.

He used it like we plan to...as a "play" car. He kept it garaged in the winter and only drove it when the weather was nice.

Wheeeee! We can go topless again!

My slightly green thumb

Despite having worked at a florist/greenhouse for 5 or 6 years, I seem to have forgotten a whole lot of stuff concerning growing things. Luckily, I tend to pick things that are a little more unusual, but pretty much care-free.

I don't remember the name of this tall, spiky-looking plant was...but I loooove it. It's kinda tropical-looking...in a gigantic, pineapply sorta way. I stuck in some pony-tail grass and a purple sweet potato vine and I think it looks kinda cool.



Now let me tell ya about my elephant ears.

I had one helluva time gettin the bastards to grow. Waaay last spring, I bought four corms or tubers or whatever the beginnings of 'em are called...they look like round, lumpy balls...at Lowe's. When it started to look like spring might happen, I planted 'em according to the directions on the package. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Nothing.

Sooo, I found one...already started...at one of our local greenhouses. It was a purple one...and I wanted the green one...but took what they had. I planted it in the same container as the dead-beat balls. And guess what?

They all started growing. So I bought more pots and more potting soil and transplanted 'em.

Now that it's gone directly from winter to summer...the temp is in the 90's today, with a heat index of like 110...you can damn near watch 'em grow. I swear...they grow an inch or two a day.

I guess tropical plants tend to like tropical weather, huh? And it's definitely tropical around these parts today.