I usually get spam

But, sometimes...sometimes...I get those rare, little gems of email that just make my day.

Case in point:

Dearest Pam,

I saw your mug in the paper today. Can't wait to see you on TV and see the funny stories from good ol' MDH. I was readin on your blog today while talking to "Mary" that may or may not be her name. You mentioned not having many friends, etc. So I thought I would write and tell people what kind of a friend you are!

Once upon a time there was a group of people who worked at a small little hospital on the prairie. On the night shift, the crew from all the departments got along marvelously. No one minded coming to work because everyone knew their job and did what they were suppose to do and they all worked as a team. The result of this hard work and diligience was that the staff sometimes has some spare time to talk, play little games and generally goof off.

Well one night one of the nurses, we'll call him "Joe", was taking care of his group of patients. He finished his appointed rounds and took extra special care of his terminally ill patient at the end of the hallway. She was a nice lady and so was her daughter. Joe made sure she had her morphine on time and that she was comfortable. So at about 1am when everyone thought all the visitors were gone Joe and his friends he worked with (there were several one we will call "Pammy" and another we will call "Mary" and another we will call "Belle" and another we will call "Barb") decided to "goof around" a little before they went to check on their appointed rounds again.

Joe proceeds to position his body over two wheeled chairs such that his entire body was suspended horizontally and then pulled himself around the nurses station by pulling his suspended body by using his hands on the floor. His friend Barb decided that she wanted to join in on the fun. So she jumped on Joe's back and was riding him like a horse. Pammy, Mary and Belle were laughing and carrying on saying "Oh, look, Barb is riding Joe".

At the height of this laughter and fun the balloon popped! From the end of the hall in a direct line of sight to the festivities Joe sees his dying patients daughter come out her mothers room and enter the hallway. He quickly looks around in desperation to his friends for help getting up and quickly wanted to pretend that such shinanigans were not actually occuring - but - his "friends" who had been there laughing and playing with him were suddenly, mysteriously gone. His friend Barb was still on his back. Joe quickly tries to get up thinking that Barb had dismounted.

However, in defiance of the laws of common sense Barb began spanking Joe on the ass and saying "Yee Ha, getty up cowboy!" This continued up until the time as the lady approaches Joe and Barb. She says that her mother is resting comfortably and that she is going home for the night. Joe informs her that he will go down in a few minutes and check to see if she needed any more pain medicine. The lady thanks him for the care he has provided to his mother and also thanks he and Barb for the laugh. She related during this time of grief you don't often come across something that makes you laugh and she appreciated it!.

Whew, Joe wasn't going to get fired today (that would come later). But what happened to Pammy, Belle and Mary? Being the great brave friends that they are; they too saw the lady coming out into the hallway and they quickly and expertly dispatched themselves to hiding spots so as not to be associated with the incident.

Luckily the lady thought it was funny and the crew continued to work together and have fun until a dark day when a foul evil witch came and banished Joe from the kingdom.

See what kinda friend I am? Why, I COULD have sent a message, via one of her flying monkeys, to the foul evil witch, thereby banishing Joe from the kingdom far sooner.

But, nooooooo....Pammy didn't do that, did she? She, along with "might-or-might-not-be Mary" and Belle, decided that the right thing to do...the only self-sacrificing thing to do...would be to run and hide, thereby giving Joe and Barb all the limelight.

I think I'll go have some cottage cheese. I wonder which dish I should use for that?

Perhaps the soft, pink one.