Tuesday, December 23, 2008

From Christmases past

I was browsin through the ole
  • archives
  • and ran across this little gem from a couple years ago....

    T'was A Couple Months Before Christmas

    By Ziggy

    (With apologies to Clement Moore...and most of the rest of the civilized world.)

    T'was a couple months before Christmas and throughout Carriage Hill
    Not a creature was stirring, not even Nabeel
    The flamingos were hung by the chiminea with care
    In hopes that St. Buffett soon would be there

    And Zig in his dermis and Pammy in her (BLEEP!)
    Had just settled down for a long weekend sleep
    When out in the hall there arose such a ruckus
    That Ziggy sat up and said, "What the fuck's this?!"

    A knock at the door - from the frozen North Pole?
    Just to be sure, we checked the peep-hole
    Not Jimmy, not Santa, no not in the least
    But two little guys from the steamy Mid-East

    We opened the door for the little brown man
    His problem, it seemed, was a massive divan
    He and his pal got it up the first flight
    But the turn on the landing turned into a fright

    He said, "I am sorry to bother you so
    Our new sofa is stuck and we can't make it go
    Up the next set of steps, then we still have one more
    We have engineering degrees, but our planning is poor."

    There they both stood with a hide-a-bed couch
    Just the thought of it's weight made my scrotum say, "OUCH!"
    It was new, you could tell by the cardboard and plastic
    But their efforts to move it were just short of spastic
    It was jammed at the turn and hung up on the railing
    They were sweating and panting, but their muscles were failing

    "We thought if one end was moved into your doorway
    The other'd swing 'round and we'd be well gone on our way."
    A logical plan, we thought to ourselves
    That would work if these guys weren't the size of two elves

    Pammy said, "Well ya know, if you'd take off the packing
    You'd gain a few inches that, so far, you've been lacking.
    You could then make the turn and not be stuck in our foyer."
    But the two little fellows just seemed to ignore'er

    No matter how jammed or hung up on the rail
    They were NOT taking advice from a lowly female
    More grunting and straining and pushing and stuff
    But the couch didn't move and we'd about had enough

    So Zig said, "You know, if you'd take off the packing
    You'd gain the few inches that, so far, you've been lacking."
    So the packing came off of the stubborn divan
    The idea would work fine, it seems, if expressed by a man

    Zig got on one end and the elves on the other
    He braced his feet and gave a shove on that Mother
    Well that's all it took for the couch to break free
    As their roommate arrived, and then there were three
    Three Mid-Eastern guys, two more flights of stairs
    But they're out of our doorway and now it's all theirs

    And what about Buffet, well he'll be along
    He's bringing Corona and a beachcomber's song
    And Mid-Eastern guys who knock on our door
    We don't think about them a bit anymore

    Flamingos glow softly by our Christmas tree
    And bring Key Largo memories for Pammy and me
    Our Christmas traditions are slightly offbeat
    Flamingos and palm trees and lobsters to eat
    Thinking of beaches and not about snow
    And don't ask what goes on 'neath our mistletoe

    So another year passes and we're doing swell
    And to you, dear readers, a joyous Noel!

    And, from
  • last year
  • , which included the "Vision of Sugarplums" photo of Karsin. I think it's my favorite.

    Ain't she just the cutest little thang?


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