Friday, October 03, 2008

I do

Or not?

I caught
  • Dana Delaney
  • on Rachel this afternoon. I was a huge fan of
  • China Beach
  • and especially of her in the role of nurse Colleen McMurphy.

    She's just a couple years younger than me and never been married. Which is, of course, fine. Whatever. And she said that she'd probably never get married. But the reasons she gave for never tyin the knot just seemed...I dunno...kinda...lame, I guess. Antiquated even, maybe. I mean, I certainly understand where she's comin from...been there, done that. But she's evidently never found a guy that's secure enough with himself to let her be herself.

    So, paraphrase, she said that she liked being able to go to the movies when she felt like it, to stay up as late as she wanted, to not hafta answer to anyone.

    Now, this ain't my first goat rope when it comes to marriage. It's my third, in fact, and ya know what they say...third time's the charm. And it has been.

    Ok, so the first one doesn't really count, it was so short. The second one...well, to be honest, some of the reasons she gave for never gettin married are some of the same reasons that one ended.

    The way I look at it, marriage is supposed to be a partnership...separate but equal. It's not 'sposed to be a dictatorship. And my second one, in many ways, was a dictatorship. If I wanted to do somethin by myself...even if it was just to go'd have thought I just told him I was takin a 10 year sabbatical to deepest, darkest Africa. If I wanted to do somethin with a friend...good gawd! meant that the world, as we know it, was about to end. And yea...there were times he'd bitch at me for not goin to bed when he thought I should.

    That's why he's my ex-husband.

    Well, part of the reason, anyway. The tighter ya try to hold somethin, the harder it struggles to get away, ya know?

    Oh, I don't mean that I never clear my plans with da Zigster...I do. But he's never made me feel like I hafta answer to him...about anything. If I wanna do myself...or with a pal...I sure don't feel like I hafta answer to him about it. If I wanted to go to the movies by myself, especially if it was somethin that he didn't care to see, I'm pretty sure he'd kiss me goodbye and say, "Be careful. Have a good time."

    I dunno. Maybe I just really lucked out when it came to Ziggy. Or maybe it's because I'm a much different person than I was 30 years ago. Maybe it's because I'm far less willing to put up with any man's bullshit, husband or no.

    But I feel like...if ya find the right person, and that person doesn't expect you to be anything more than you...marriage...or some kinda "committed union" a lot nicer than bein single.

    The sex is more fun, too. heh


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