Sometimes it's hard...to be a woman

According to Tammy Wynette, anyway



Yup, that'd be a uterus. It reminds me of one of those goofy Japanese "anime" things. I was googling for a picture to accompany this post, stumbled across this and it was so strange...well, I hadda use it, right?

Anybody remember my

send my uterus on vacation

post?

Well, I think it's time to start thinkin about pastin up the ole Paypal button.

I had the dubious pleasure of undergoing a

transvaginal pelvic ultrasound

on Friday.

Really, it wasn't so bad. I had a fantastic radiology tech named Cindi. While we were chatting, we discovered we had a mutual friend, so that was nice. Made me feel a little more...ah...comfortable...in a distinctly uncomfortable situation.

I mean, I'm pretty sexually open, but I'm just not used to strange women...even very nice ones...sticking cold, hard things up my...ah...well...I did say "transvaginal", didn't I?

Though I'm familiar with an ultrasound machine and what they do, I'm not familiar with the pictures they produce. I mean, I can read an x-ray pretty accurately, but ultrasound pictures just aren't my forte. But I'm watching the little screen while she's doing it, anyway.

Hell, I dunno why...my poor uterus hasn't seen the light of day (or the light of an ultrasound machine, for that matter) for over 30 years... so I thought maybe vagabonds might've taken up residence there. Or maybe a family of Lower Slobovians.

She seemed awfully interested in a couple of areas, and though I know it wasn't fair of me to ask her about what she was seeing, of course I did, anyway. After working with various radiology techs for years, I know that they know just about as much about radiology as a radiologist does...sometimes more.

She was, of course, hesitant to say anything. But when she said that she needed to go get the radiologist to have him take a look at it, I said, "Ok, now that you've raised my suspicions, ya just KNOW that someone's gotta tell me somethin today, right?" She laughed and said that yes, the radiologist could tell me something.

Lemme tell ya...that five minutes that she was gone was the longest damn five minutes that I've ever spent. All these things nasty thoughts like uterine cancer and ovarian cancer were flashing in front of my eyes like neon signs.

Sometimes, it sucks to be a nurse, especially as far as our own health is concerned. We know too much.

I was even more concerned when the radiologist walked in. He was accompanied by three other docs, a couple of residents, four or five nurses, the janitor and one of the cafeteria workers.

Damn.

I wondered if Ron Jeremy was waiting somewhere in the wings. I started looking all over the room for a camera.

Ok, so it was just the doc and a resident. (Hey...it's called "poetic license", ok?)

So the doc goes pokin (no pun intended) around with the...stick...or whatever the end of the thing is called. He finds the two areas that the tech was concerned with, frowns and a lot of "hmmmmmm-ing" ensues.

"Ya know your head is within kicking distance, doncha?" I ask. "And you need to tell me what you think you're seeing or I'm gonna be testin that out. I absolutely will NOT wait two weeks for my GP to tell me that I have a tumor."

He laughed. Which made me feel a little better. I mean, if a doc's gonna tell you you have ovarian cancer and you're lookin at three months, he prolly wouldn't laugh first, right?

So anywho, it wasn't a tumor. He was pretty sure, anyway. It's a big cyst on my left ovary. It also seems as though a fibroid has taken up residence in my uterus.... leaving no room for even a small family of Lower Slobovians. I also have a small hemorrhagic cyst (whatever the hell that is) on my right ovary. My fallopian tubes don't look so perky, either.

I think it's safe to say my reproductive days are over. Thank gawd.

Beeeeecause....my doc drew some blood a couple weeks ago and did an FSH...follicle stimulating hormone. A normal range is like 12 - 15. If you're in menopause, (which I THOUGHT I was) it should be somewhere around 50. Mine was 12.5. I'm NOT in menopause. Not even close. Dammit.

If I were in menopause, the fibroid wouldn't cause me any more problems...not enough estrogen to feed it. As it stands now, though, it IS causing me problems.

Now I need to decide if my uterus should go on a permanent vacation or just in for an overhaul.

Who knew being a woman could be so much friggin fun?