Dear Governor Blagojevich and Madame Treasurer Topinka,

For weeks now, you've both been running those reverse-negative type ads on tv, each trying to out-bash the other.

STOP already, fer chrissake!

Obviously neither of you have a platform...an agenda...other than to shit on the head of your opponent. Which leads me to believe that neither of you have any business being the governor of Illinois. Not that I didn't already realize that you, Mr. Blagojevich, have no business being our governor. You can't even be pried away from the Chicago machine long enough to acutally spend some time in your real place of employment.

Whatsa matter? Governor's mansion ain't good enough for ya? Awww...you have my sympathy. I understand how terrible...how degrading it must be to have to live in a dump like that. And in the middle of Hicksville, Illinois to boot. After all...we all know that Chicago is the center of the universe, right? Why, I betcha ya can't even get "real" pizza in Springfield, can ya?

As for those sticky little issues like payoffs and bribes? Surely not! Tell me it ain't so, Blago. Why, doesn't every six year old child get a $1500 "birthday gift" from their parents' friend who just coincidentally received a plum of a state job? Of course they do. If you're a Chicago politician like you. And, make no mistake about it...you are a Chicago politician.

And you, Madame Topinka...I'm sorry, but as state treasurer, I can't help but think that you surely had to have some inkling as to what our illustrious former governor (ie: convicted felon) was doing. And you had nooooo idea, whatsoever, huh? Boy, I bet they coulda knocked you over with a feather when you found out, right?
C'mon. You can tell me. I won't tell anybody. Promise.

And I wanted to ask you about your flip-flopping thoughts on opening up Illinois to more gambling. What's up with that? Not that I don't think Illinois should have more gambling. I just thought you floppin back and forth like a beached carp was a little unusual. Uh. Oh, I'm sorry. I guess that was a stupid question, wasn't it? Gambling proponents have the big bucks to pay for...uh...things, don't they? Like "special interest groups". And campaign contributions.

Oh, and honey? This really doesn't have anything to do with politics, but ya might wanna slow down a little on the bourbon and cigarettes. They're really not doin much for your public speaking voice.

Yea, yea, yea. You can both explain til you're blue in the faces. Talk til the cows come home, even. Offer all kinds of explanations and rationalizations and "proof". I ain't buyin it. None of it. Not. One. Word. That. Comes. Out. Of. Your. Mouth.

As far as I'm concerned, you're both detriments to this state. You're embarrassments. Money-grubbing, power-hungry, crooked-as-the-day-is-long, lying, conniving, thieving, political embarrassments and I have no intention of voting for either of you, regardless of what political affiliation you claim.

This time, there is no voting for the "lesser of the two evils" because there is no lesser. I'd call it a draw.

Not Yours Truly,

A jaded Illinoisian