I spent the night with a young, hunky stud

I've gotta admit, it's been a loooong time since I've been in bed with a young guy.

Unfortunately, I looked pretty much like the illustration...not exactly your traditional femme fatale, huh? It's a damn good thing he liked me for my mind and not for my looks.

Oooook. So it was a sleep study and not a dangerous liaison. And the 30 year old hunk was my sleep tech, Jason. Dammit. (Say it. Jaaaassson. Just kinda rolls off the ole tongue, doesn't it?)

(sigh) After all...at my age, rollin around the sack with a 30 year old guy would be a dangerous liaison.

Anywho, it was, shall we say...an experience.
I had 7...count 'em...seven...electrodes attached to my scalp with this goopy, waxy, lard-y shit. I had 6 electrodes attached to my face in various places. I had TWO nasal cannulas. I had two electrodes on my right leg, two on my left leg. Two big, elastic band-things around my chest, one just above my large chesticles..one just below. Four electrodes in various areas on my chest. A pulse ox taped firmly to one finger.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

All the wires and cannulas were pulled up, gathered together and taped in a topknot...on top of my head.

Oh, and when I went to the bathroom just prior to settling down for the night, I took a peek in the mirror. I also had three big red crosses grease-penciled on my forehead. Nice. Lemme tell ya...I was a babe. I could kick myself for not taking the camera.

Then they tell me to try to stay on my back, but "sleep normally".

You've got to be fuckin kiddin me.

I sleep naked. I sleep with a fan on. I sleep in every position but on my back. And I always have a hard time sleeping anywhere but my own bed.

I not only had to wear a nightgown, but underpants, as well. Lemme tell ya...my sensibilities were injured!

I gotcher "sleep normally" right here, bud.

And of course, I had to pee a couple of times during the night.
"Ohhhh, Jaaaaasssson? I need to use the bathroom...can you come and unhook me?" spoken in my best breathy, Marilyn Monroe voice into the intercom.

Every time I'd roll over, I'd pop a wire which, of course, meant another visit from Jaaaassson. I popped a lotta wires.

Yea, I tried every trick in the book...used every feminine wile I ever had. He just didn't seem to be that interested.

Go figure.

Aaaanyway, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was pretty much worse. In fact, it sucked big, black donkey balls. I finally fell asleep...sorta...for what seemed like maybe 15 minutes...and I was awakened by Jaaasssson's voice over the intercom.

"Ok, Pam. Wake up. We're gonna stop the study, now."

Oh sure. Ain't that just like a young guy? Just when you start gettin a little satisfaction, he's done.