Well I used to love her, but it's - - all over now

My uterus needs a vacation

I used to love my uterus. Ok, maybe ‘love’ is too strong a word. Let’s say that we had a good working relationship. For over 40 years, she’s worked the way she was supposed to, without fail. Every 28 days, regular as clockwork, she sprang into action doing what...well...what uteruses (uterii?) do. Except for that 9 month hiatus back in 1971-72.

Nowadays, she’s behaving more like a 19 year old drunken sailor on shore leave in Taiwan.

I suppose after 40 years of dedicated service, she’s entitled to have a little fun. But frankly, I’d rather she do it somewhere else. Like...I dunno...Montana, maybe.

Because she’s been such a good and faithful servant for all those years, I had expected that she’d handle menopause with as much grace and aplomb as she did everything else. Evidently, she’s decided that it’s time to have it her way. That means she might decide to call off sick and miss a whole month. Of course, like most dependable workers, that means that THIS month, she’s gotta work feverishly to make up for lost time and be really...uh...productive.

That'd make most employers really happy. Not me. In fact, it makes me really, really UNhappy.

I think it’s time for retirement. Unfortunately, much like Caterpillar management, I‘ve drastically cut retirement benefits.

Maybe I oughta do a little ‘blegging’. I could install a PayPal button and beg for donations to send my uterus on a permanent vacation to Montana. Or Utah. Send 'er skiing...or maybe sightseeing in Salt Lake City. I bet she'd love the Mormons.

Gawd knows, I’ve seen blegging done for all kinds of things. Trips to blogmeets. Dental crowns. Vet visits for sick pets. College classes. Car repairs.
The way I look at it, sending my uterus on a permanent vacation is every bit as important as any of those things.

Wanna feel like you’re helping your fellow man...uh...woman? Wanna give something back? Wanna ‘pay it forward’?

Nothin’ says “warm and fuzzy” like donating to the Send Pammy’s Uterus on Vacation fund.

Do it today. You’ll be glad you did.

As for me, I'd be tickled to death to be rid of the obnoxious bitch.