I know that "sex sells"

Strangely enough, I'm not buyin this time.

Has anyone else noticed some of the current tv commercials out there? Perhaps it's just because of the way my brain works, but I've noticed an unusually....low-minded...trend recently.

Cases in point:

1. Burger King's ad for some kind of chicken sandwich, in which they croon "Biiiiig, buuuuuckin chicken..." Except they don't put a LOT of emphasis on the 'B' in big. Big, uuuuuckin chicken? The first time I heard it, I was in the kitchen and would have bet my life "buckin" wasn't what they sang. Of course, they hadda use a visual of someone ridin a...well...a big, buckin rodeo chicken. Just so no one would get the wrong idea. Ah, yes. Of course. NOW I understand. A rodeo...chicken.

How stupid of me.

I honestly thought Burger King's ad execs had scraped the bottom of the barrel when they came up with the big, plastic-headed, window-peekin 'king' with the creepy grin. Guess I thought wrong. And to think...they used to be my favorite fast food joint.

2. The ad for Pace Salsa. A deep-voiced man proclaims in a bit of a West Texas drawl, "Grab the Southwest by the BAWL-tle!" Emphasis on the BAWL, letting the 'tle' trail off.

Uh. I've heard of grabbin life by the bawwwl. You can grab your career by the bawwwl. Hell...I've even grabbed Ziggy by the bawwwl a time or two. But I ain't never heard of grabbin the Southwest that way.

3. An ad for Applebee's, touting their newest shrimp meal. Two guys standin in the water, singin a jingle based on the theme from Gilligan's Island.
"Nowww, sit right back and grab some tail....s.." letting the 'S' kinda...slide away.

I'd be the first to admit that grabbin a little tail can be a fun thing. But to grab it in Applebee's? Dude...I think we'd prolly get kicked out. Those pesky 'decency laws', ya know?

Gawd knows, I'm certainly no prude. Nothing could be further from the truth. I generally relish a little sexual innuendo. I'm a big fan of the ole double entendre...IF...and ONLY if...it's done intelligently AND with a good sense of humor. And if a commercial is done well...done intelligently...with OR without a little sexual innuendo...and can make me laugh, I'll not only usually remember that product, I'll make it a point to try that product.

But these ads...these are....atrocious...and worse as far as I'm concerned...they're just plain STOOPID. They're evidently targeting the Beavis and Butthead crowd.

"He said BUCKin...he he he..."

I mean, I can see Burger King targeting the pre-pubescent set, but face it...I don't see a lotta 12 year old boys in Kroger, grabbing BAWL-tle's of Pace Salsa or in Applebee's, ordering 15-dollar entrees.

Honest ta gawd....I'm EMBARRASSED for these companies. I don't know what they can possibly be thinkin.

Nevermind. I KNOW what they're thinkin. They're thinkin that all us consumers are a buncha nose-pickin, low-eared, Jokes for the John-readin lemmings with IQ's of 40 who wouldn't know a good commercial if one came up and knocked on the door of the ole double-wide.

THAT just offends the shit outa me.

I don't buy salsa, we rarely eat at Applebee's and because of this diet, Burger King is verboten. However, if I DID use salsa or frequent these two places, I'd stop, post-haste.

It's not that they've offended my sexual sensibilities. But my intellectual sensibilities? Honey, they're off-the-chart offended.

Now, you'll hafta excuse me. I gotta go find my current copy of Jokes for the John.