Damned tourists!

Yesterday, while we were on the beach, we ran into another couple from Pompano. We know that because they told us. Along with just about every other little tidbit about themselves that they thought we should know. (sigh)

Well...they ran into us. I'd have run away, but there was no place to go.

They'd evidently checked in Friday night and are staying in the next unit over, though we hadn't seen them before yesterday. They came paddling up in a rented kayak. We could hear her bitching at him about how far they'd gone and that she'd never do THAT again, if he EVER wanted to...well, he'd just hafta find a new girlfriend...yada, yada, yada.

He was probably in his mid-fifties and one of these 'gold chain' kinda guys. She was...maybe thirty five...kinda hard to tell, really. Neither were what you'd call 'attractive' by any stretch of the imagination, but of course, both thought they were hot.

I suppose if you find middle-aged men with chicken legs or women with no discernable chin...or boobs...attractive...well..yea...they were hot, ok? But they DID have 'em some damn fine tans...along with a pretty good buzz on. Thanks to the cooler of booze they had strapped to their kayak.

In the space of about...oh...I'd say 15 minutes, we found out that:
He's a...(ahem)..."contractor". He's her 'boyfriend'. He makes 'tons' of money. ('course, I immediately wondered why, if he made so much money, they rented a damn KAYAK instead of a REAL boat) He's originally from Pennsylvania and she's originally from Maine. She doesn't say, "OH BABY!" during sex (something I could have gone my whole life without knowing). She can ONLY drink imported beer...Heineken, to be exact. She got incredibly drunk Friday night and passed out in her plate of food.

Charming. Just friggin charming.

I'm sure there were a lot more little 'facts', but I kinda shut my ears off after about the first five minutes or so.

Being the expansive, generous guy that he was, he offered us the use of the rented kayak. After all, he said, he'd already paid for it and they weren't gonna use it anymore. We politely declined. Paddling our ass off in the hot sun just isn't our idea of a good time. He insisted. We declined again. He insisted...again. Again, we declined. Frankly, he became downright obnoxious about insisting. I should have stood up and just said, "WE SAID NO THANKS, OK?" But I, unlike HIM, try NOT to be an obnoxious tourist. He finally stopped insisting...to us, anyway.

His next victim was a poor, unsuspecting tourist from...Belgium (we think)...who spoke very little English.

By this time, "Gold Chains" was pretty inebriated. He walks up to this guy, gets right in his face, and proceeds to try to foist off the damned kayak to HIM. He launches into the whole story...and the poor, dismayed, and by this time, slightly frightened tourist looks at him...looks at me...and says, "I not understand English so good."

So what's "Gold Chains" do? Gets even CLOSER to the guy....and talks...REALLY LOUD.

I wanted to get up and kick him in the balls.

But I didn't. Because I try to NOT be an obnoxious tourist.