Sunday, February 23, 2014

Is this thing still on?

Well, another year, another life-threatening disease., three, now....days ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Right now, I'm so fucking....pissed....I'm MAD, dammit.

I don't wanna be "strong". I don't wanna be anybody's "hero". I wanna whine and bitch and moan, "Why meeeeee?" I don't want this. Give it to somebody else. Preferably somebody I don't know. Some stranger that's been a shitty person all their life. As opposed to me...who's only had brief periods of being a shitty person.

Anyway, the doc says that this won't kill me. But she also said that this particular type of tumor I have is malignant only 10% of the time. So I'm not holding my breath on the not killing me part. I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

The plan is that I'll have a partial mastectomy with "sentinel" (whatever that is) lymph node removal, followed by 4-6 weeks of radiation....5 days a week. It'll be a huge pain in my ass. But I guess when ya consider the alternative.... I don't know if I'll be able to keep working. They say that radiation causes extreme fatigue. I can't imagine being any more fatigued than I am right now after working an 8 hour day.

So, instead of giving up Lollygaggin (like I was planning), I suppose I'll turn it into a cheery, little breast cancer blog. Fuck.

At least I'll have something to talk about.

Did I mention that I was pissed?