Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Re-inventing myself....yet again

I'm not exactly an "introspective" kinda girl. I don't sit and think about my reasons for doing things...mull them over...wonder why I'm doing something or if I'm doing the right thing. I've always just kinda rolled with the punches. Let life take me where it will. Sorta re-invented myself each time to fit the situation...daughter, wife, mother, working mother, nurse, girlfriend, shack-up...but still keeping enough of myself to make it interesting. Does that make any sense?

Anywho, I start my new job next week. I'm excited about it because it's something that I've never done before. I like change. I like new challenges. But I'm also kinda scared for the same reasons. It will be a change. A BIG one. For several reasons.

First of all, I haven't worked...really over 2 years. Almost 3, actually. Since I've been home, I've developed a routine. Sorta. I'm not really a "routine" kinda girl, either. But as far as routines go, it's a bit of a routine. That'll change. I'll hafta invent new ones as far as cooking and household duties go.

(Are you listening, Ziggy? I know, I know. I'll only be working part-time, but there'll be times you'll hafta scrounge for your own supper. hehe)

Secondly, it's all about timing. And I mean that, literally. I'm just not used to gettin up and hittin it early in the morning. I haven't had a "normal" (ie: day) job in lotsa years. I've almost always worked second (my favorite) or third shift, so my body just isn't programmed to go to bed early and get up early. I don't expect that I'll ever really get used to it, but I'll cope, somehow. Another re-invention.

Thirdly, I'll be a quasi-office drone. I haven't done the office thing for...oh, gawd....years and years. That's gonna be like a major change. Working as a nurse in a hospital, in an emergency-room setting more specifically, is about as far from working in an office as ya can get. In an ER, though of course there are rules and regs to follow, a lot of it is kind of a "seat of your pants" kinda thing. The ole adrenalin peaks and valleys. The suprises. The zippety-doo-dah, get 'em in, get 'em out, keep your head down and work fast thing.

Not that I'll miss any of that...not a bit...but there just won't be very much of that at the new job. Like none, really. Though it's still technically in the nursing field, there won't be nearly as much "hands-on" nursing. Not even a fraction, probably. And what there is certainly won't be of an "emergent" nature. Not even "serious" as in nursing on a regular unit. In fact, the whole nature of the job is just...waaaay different. That's definitely gonna take some getting used to. Some re-inventing.

Finally, I'll have to be dealing with co-workers who have a completely different...I dunno...mindset, I guess...than me...on a long-term basis. Again, not something I'm used to doing, really. I mean, of course I had co-workers as a hospital nurse. But it was different. You simply didn't have a chance to really get to know others that you worked with. Not really. Not like you do in an office setting. In ER nursing, you're on your own a lot because of the demands of the job. If you need help, they're there, but only temporarily and only to do what needs to be done. Ya just don't get much of a chance to chit-chat during a code.

I know it might sound funny to you, but I really am worried about that part. I mean...I think I'm pretty easy to get along with, but I'll admit I have a sick sense of humor that a lotta people just don't get. At least in the ER, a sick sense of humor was fairly common. In an office setting, though? Not so much. I'm really gonna hafta watch myself when it comes to that. Sorta re-invent myself. Again. Without actually losing me. I mean...I'm gonna hafta be nice 99% of the time.

I have a feeling that that one is gonna be the most difficult.

I hafta re-invent myself into a nice person.

Yea. Right.


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