Sunday, May 14, 2006

It's ironical

I do a lotta things that aren't 'good for me' but I do them anyway because I like to...because they make me feeeeel gooood. Vonster accused me of being a hedonistic bitch, and I can't argue with him. Actually, I was sorta flattered, though I'm sure he didn't mean it to be flattering.

Aaaaanywho, I got the start of a nice tan when we were in Florida. Now, ya hafta fair as I am, tanning really isn't something that I should do. I know the risks. But dammit...fat women just look better with a nice tan...kinda disguises the cellulite, doncha know? And I do try to be as careful with it as I can. I don't do it year-round. But it makes me look good...well...better, anyway, and I like it.

We've got several summer parties and events to go to this season, so I wanted to keep that nice glow I got started. So I signed up for a month's worth of unlimited tanning the other day at one of the local shake and bake joints.

Since I already had a pretty nice 'base' to start with, I went ahead and had 'em set it for the limit...a full 20 minutes. It wasn't a problem. I didn't get hot and I didn't burn.

For those of you that have never been in a tanning bed, it feels sorta like a womb. Except it's not dark. Well, it's dark if ya wear the eye protectors like you're supposed to. (I do) It's warm and you're enclosed...surrounded...when you pull the lid down. They have fans that blow across you to keep ya from gettin too overheated, so there's this white noise. It's especially nice when it's a chilly the other day was.

I always think of the movie "Altered States". William Hurt experiments with a sensory deprivation tank thingy and regresses into this....ball of molecular's kinda like that. Warm, white noise...ya just out. Even doze off occasionally.

So I skip a day and go back for my second session. They automatically set the bed for 20 minutes again, but this particular bed must have just had new bulbs put in because I got hot. I mean HOT. I wasn't burnt, just plain hot. After 15 minutes, I decided that I just couldn't lie there a minute longer, so I got out. Since I wanted to get all the goodie I could out of the session, I pulled up a stool, stuck my legs in and closed the lid. I figured I'd at least irradiate my lower legs a little more.

As I sat there and looked at the tanning bed with my fat little legs stuck inside, I noticed just exactly how much it looked like a coffin with the lid closed. Since the lids are always up when you go in, I'd never really had the opportunity to see one closed before.

So I'm sitting there, still about three-fourths 'zoned out' and I'm thinkin that this thing looks, for all the world, like a coffin.

And it was ironical.


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