My 57th trip around the sun...

...and all I got were these fuckin cataracts.

So. At my last office visit, my doc suggested that I have a really good eye exam as I hadn't had one in several years.

It just so happened that my eye appointment was yesterday...just one day before my birthday. Honestly, it was the best, most thorough eye exam I've ever had. They numbed up my eyeballs. They dilated my pupils. They poked and prodded and peered deep into the recesses of my vitreous humor.

Doc - "The good news is, your eyes look reasonably healthy."

Me - "What's the bad news?"

Doc - "Well, you have a tiny cataract."

Me - (Thinking...oh fer gawd's sake...a fuckin cataract?? Krist on a crutch...first arthritis and now a cataract? I'm not even 57 yet!!) "I do?? Which eye?"

Doc - "Um...both of 'em."

Doc - "But the good news is, they aren't interfering with your sight. Yet. And when they do, we can take care of 'em and you won't ever have to wear glasses again."

Me - "And when might that happen?"

Doc - "Oh, it could be years and years before they start to interfere with your sight."

Swell. By that time, I won't know my ass from a hole in the ground, probably won't know my own name and more than likely won't even know...or care...if I wear glasses or not.

Cataracts.

Fuck.

I was a little hippie chick, fer chrissake! I went barefoot and braless! I hitchhiked! I smoked dope, dammit!