Friday, February 02, 2007

Peoria-market Barbies...continued

Creve Coeur Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a twelve-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Moss Avenue Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Moss Avenue Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

West Bluff Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills), unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

South Side Barbie
This 16 year old Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED, a bus pass and a Link Card. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

(Wait...there's one more!)


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