Saturday, December 16, 2006

A little light at the end of the tunnel....


I had my final sleep study last night. A couple months ago, I found out I have sleep apnea. I already knew that, but of course I hadda be horsed around for two months so that a doc could tell me so.

That's really what I hate about goin to the doc...all the damn horsin around. It used to be so easy. Now ya hafta see all these friggin "specialists". And if ya don't hafta see a specialist, ya hafta go somewhere else for this test or that test. Nothin's simple anymore. It's just such a pain in the ass.

In the last two months or so, I've been to my doc twice; had blood work done; a transvaginal ultrasound; a PAP test; two mammograms at two different places with a breast cancer scare thrown in...just to keep things exciting; two sleep studies...and a partridge in a pear tree. And speaking of something being a "pain in the ass", the only thing I haven't had done yet that my doc keeps suggesting is a colonoscopy.

I'm puttin that one off just as long as I can. It's not so much the test itself that bothers me...I'd be asleep. But it's the preparation. Drinkin two gallons of salty, slimy shit and then spending three or four hours on the toilet just isn't my idea of a good time.

I'm sorry, but they don't make toilet paper soft enough for that.

I looked at my calendar for Monday and SUPRISE! I don't have any friggin appointments. It's like the first day off in I don't know how long that I haven't had to go some damn where to have some damn thing done to my old carcass.

So anywho, this sleep study went a lot better than the first one. I actually slept. I'd almost say I slept well, but I'd hate to jinx it. Kinda amazing, really. I figured I'd never be able to sleep with that damn pig-nose thing jammed up my nose, let alone all the wires and tubes. But I did. In fact, when they woke me up this morning, I could barely move. The tech said, "But that's a good thing. It means that you slept so well you didn't have to keep changing positions."

Yea, well. Tell that to my aching back.

At any rate, though I still think all this "sleep study" thing is a "jab the insurance company for the BIG BUCKS" racket, I don't doubt the benefits of a CPAP machine anymore. Halleujah! A'hm a believer! No waking up, gasping for breath and feeling like I'd been strangled in my sleep. No bizarre dreams. And most importantly, no horrific anoxic headache when I woke up. I can't remember the last time I woke up without a terrible headache.

After I got outa there this morning, I had an appointment with my "regular" doc to see about my wayward bitch of a uterus and to catch her up on all my current adventures. Yea, I know. I was shocked, too. A Saturday morning doc appointment. Whoda thunkit?

Anywho, as it stands now, that's the last thing I hafta do...see a gyne. Well, next-to-the-last. The last thing will probably be a hysterectomy. Ah well. It's not like I need it anymore, anyway.

Aaahahahahhahhaha! A hysterectomy. "Light at the end of the tunnel...", indeed. Quite appropriate, doncha think?


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