Where's my candidate?

My thoughts this morning are far too deep for such a beautiful day. I should be up-and-at-'em...cleanin off the deck...takin a walk...anything rather than what I'm doin. Which is sittin here, readin blogs and articles about angry white men and gettin all fired up about (spitting the word out cause it tastes nasty in my mouth) politics.

I keep hopin that one of the current crop of presidential hopefuls will start standin out. I keep hopin that one of 'em will speak to me
and not keep givin me a big, ole mouthfulla bullshit...like they have been doing.

I want a candidate who believes that less governmental control...not more...is better.

I want a candidate who believes that the right to carry a gun to protect yourself (providing you have an IQ over 40, of course) is a good thing.

I want a candidate who believes that immigrants should become US citizens and learn to speak English if they want to enjoy the benefits we offer. If they don't, show 'em the door, post-haste, no exceptions. There's no reason ya can't still be proud of your heritage, but if ya wanna live in America, BE an American.

I want a candidate who believes that a woman's body and/or reproductive system...and what she does with it...is her own business and nobody elses.

I want a candidate who believes that education is the key to...well...everything. A real education. One that teaches real skills like reading, writing and math and not this moronic, look-good-on-paper, "No Child Left Behind", touchy-feely, "Oh, poor little Johnny is just plain stupid, but we should pass him because otherwise, his wittle ego will be injured" horseshit.

I want a candidate who believes that every citizen is entitled to a little help when they need it...up to a certain point. And that "point" should fall far, far short of generation after generation of welfare families.

I want a candidate who believes that personal responsibility should be just that...personal. A person's decision to eat trans-fats or keep smoking or do anything else that might be "bad" for them is exactly that...their own decision.

I want a candidate who believes that American "big businesses" should recognize...and take care of...the people who made them big businesses in the first damn place. The American worker.

I want a candidate who believes in capital punishment for cold-blooded killers and child molesters.

I want a candidate who believes that who a person loves should not make them any less deserving of the rights and benefits afforded to "traditional" couples. If it makes everyone so hinky to call a same-sex union a "marriage", call it somethin else, fer shit's sake.

I want a candidate who will step up and say, "I'm truly sorry about slavery. It was a bad thing. It was abolished damn near a hundred and fifty years ago. Get over it, already."

I want a candidate who believes we should take care of our own before trying to take care of the world. We should be an example...not an enforcer.

I want a candidate who believes that all's fair in love and war...if it's a justified war.

I want a candidate who believes that we should make every effort to be a self-sufficient nation. If that means compromising the natural habitat of the Three Peckered Billy Goat, then so be it. Ya think that the natural habitat of Saudi Arabia's Three Peckered Billy Goat population hasn't been compromised? Why is ours any more important than theirs?

I want a candidate who believes in the right to free speech. No matter what ya say, there's some bloviating, sputtering, shit-fer-brains whose "sensibilities" will be offended. "Offended" never killed anybody. GET. OVER. IT.

I want a candidate who believes that "religion" is subjective and highly personal and has no place in government. Believe whatcha want...but don't try to inflict it on anyone else.

I don't care whether that candidate is male or female, Democrat or Republican. I don't care whether that candidate is black or white or any combination thereof. I don't care whether that candidate is a Christian or a Hindu or an athiest as long as they don't pander to their own cause in the process of doin their job. I don't care about any of that.

I just want a candidate who has his or her fair share of plain, simple common sense, who's not afraid to openly speak about what he or she believes so that we know what we're gettin into; one who'll stop all this insane, finger-pointing, double-talking, he-said/she-said horseshit.

I just want a candidate who doesn't lie. Is that too much to ask for?

Anyone? Anyone?

Bueller?

Anyone?