Somebody kill me....

...somebody kill me...now.

I've been arrested by the SANITARY POLICE!

Ya know, I really couldn't be called anything close to environmentally conscious. But I don't litter. I try to watch our water usage, even though we don't hafta pay for our water. I reuse and recycle some things, but only if it's beneficial to me. I really don't think of it on a global level like I probably should. Maybe that's enough, though. I mean, if everyone did that, then the problem of waste disposal and saving our natural resources wouldn't be much of a problem, right?

And just think...if big...huge...companies did this. Just some small thing, but on an enormous level. Just one, little thing.

Take those plastic grocery bags, for instance...

Personally, I like those plastic grocery bags. They're a lot easier to carry and they fit perfectly in my bathroom waste can. (See? I'm recycling AND saving trees.) However, I try to use the least amount possible when I make a trip to the store. They tend to multiply in your closet...like rabbits.

Ya know, sometimes they'll just put one or two things in a bag and I'll tell 'em to put more in...I'm not particular about just exactly what goes in with what. Most of the packaging now days takes nothing short of a nuclear bomb to open, so I just don't worry too much about it. Besides that, I'm usually the only one doin the haulin-in, so less bags is just easier.

Sometimes, the checker or bagger will get just silly about it, though. They'll put one little package of chicken breasts in one sack. Gawd forbid you have a friggin hermetically sealed chicken package touching a hermetically sealed hamburger package. Puhleeeeeese.
Ok, I can sorta understand the big hoo-hah about chicken. Salmonella and all that. I think it's pretty ridiculous, but there it is. At least there's a quasi-scientific reason for it.

However yesterday, the sanitary police just went one step TOO far...and I blew.

We had to run to WalMart for a few things. Cat food, tampons, toilet paper...ya know? Stuff like that. While we were there, I snagged a few other things. (Of course) A couple cans of this...a box of that. Nothing anywhere resembling raw food.

Long story short, we stood in line for 15 minutes to save a couple bucks. What the hell...it's always entertaining to what else is crawling out of it's cave to shop at WalMart.

The fun really started when the cashier started ringing up our stuff and bagging it.
She put my box of tampons in a sack....all by itself...and handed it to me.

"Uh...you can save a bag and put some other stuff in there. I'm not one of those women who's hinky about her brand-new box of tampons touching her can of dark red kidney beans", I said.

"Oh, we can't do that!" The cashier said. "That would be unsanitary."

Oh. My. Fucking. Gawd. My head started spinning around and pea soup spewed from my mouth and nose. I threw myself on the floor and started having a grand mal seizure.

UNSANITARY??

"Oh, fer gawd's sake! It's not like they're USED!" I very nearly screamed. "It's a brand-new, never-been-opened BOX that would be touching a brand-new, never-been-opened CAN!"

Ziggy started whistling the theme from "The Exorcist" and looked the other way. The woman behind us stepped out of line and into another one. I either scared the shit out of her or grossed her out. Good.

She was probably one of those hinky women I mentioned.