Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Whatta pain in the ass

Changin your name, I mean.

Thirty two years ago, when I changed my name, things were a bit simpler. I didn't have so many things to change. My social security card and my driver's license...that was pretty much it. Even gettin copies of the marriage license was pretty damn simple. I walked into the little courthouse and asked for a copy. Boom. There it was. And it didn't cost me a thing.

Now...damn...I've spent the last two weeks tryin to get everything changed. And I'm not done yet.

First, make a trip downtown to the courthouse to get copies of the license. Fight traffic and find a parkin place. Dig out a couple quarters for the meter because, gawd knows, it's far more important for Peoria cops to write parkin tickets than it is to solve the fifteen murders so far this year. Through the security scanner and the armed guards. Wait in line. Fill out a form. Then give 'em $15 bucks for two copies. Holy shit!

Then to the social security office, where I expected a full-blown cluster-fuck. I walked in and saw a whole room-full of people in various moods, ranging from complete boredom to nearly full-blown rage. Swell. I took a number and figured I might as well get was gonna be a loooooong wait.

Eleven (count 'em...11) minutes later, I was walkin out. I'm not kiddin. I was amazed. I guess, compared to some of the other "problems", mine was the simplest to fix, so they did me and got it over with.

Ok, so that wasn't painful, at all.

Changin my name on my nursing license...well that proved a little more difficult. First, find the State's website. Then go to the Department of Professional Regulation's site. Then try to find the information about changin your name...I dare ya. After 20 minutes of frustration, I finally find it, print out the form to send in, fill it out, go dig out my license because I hafta send it in with the form...oops...forgot to enclose a copy of a copy of the marriage license.

The bank. Geeze. Do y'all know what a pain in the ass it is just to get someone's name put on your accounts? Just sign a signature card? Not anymore. Paperwork. Fuckin paperwork. And another copy of a copy.

Car insurance was a snap. A phone call and poof! My insurance went down by 12 bucks or so. That was a nice surprise, too.

I could write a whole post about my experience at the driver's license place. But I'll spare ya. Let's just say I'd rather have a hot poker shoved up my...uh...nevermind...than hafta do that again anytime soon. And some of the old farts that they passed on the eye test! I mean...I was sittin right there and I could tell that one old guy simply could NOT read one of the lines...he tried like five times...even SAID, "I just can't see it." Finally, the gal rolled her eyes and said, "Ok, you're done." AND GAVE HIM A LICENSE!

Two hours later I was done. Two hours. At least my photo is fairly decent. For a change.

I still hafta make the changes at work, which calls for yet more copies of copies of copies....and Zig needs my copies of copies of copies for the medical insurance crap.

Gawd knows what else'll pop up that needs copies of copies of copies. But I'm gettin pretty good at usin the copy machine.

Now if I could just remember to use my new name when I sign all this stuff.

Oh...and the real kicker? Ya know all those copies of the marriage license that you have to have when ya change your social security card or driver's license or anything else? They don't keep 'em. THEY DIDN'T EVEN READ 'EM! Just looked to see I had one.

Shit. If I'da known that, I'da changed my name to "Angelina Jolie".


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