Empathy for the Devil

I'd like to believe that I'm an empathetic person. My life experience has given me a little insight into the things that happen to people, both good and bad. I can say "Been there, done that, so I know what you're going through", about a lot of different life experiences. Births. Deaths of loved ones. Financial hardship. Raising kids. Finding and losing jobs. Major illnesses. Buying and/or renovating homes. Relationships.

You know? The things that make up this crazy thing we call 'life'.

But there's one thing that I can honestly (and thankfully) admit that I've never experienced, either first-hand or as an 'observer'.

Domestic abuse.

And I'm afraid that my lack of experience in that area has resulted in a little less empathy than I probably should have for women that are in abusive relationships.

(I know, I know. Men can be abused, too. For this particular post, I'm talking exclusively about women.)

As I stated, I've never been a victim. Oh, my first husband was somewhat verbally abusive. That's one reason he became an "ex" after only a couple of years. But I've never been in the position of having no job, no education, no family support system, having a passel of kids to take care of and being involved with an abusive partner.

I've never been in the position where a man is my ONLY means of support. Well...ok. That's not exactly true. Zig was my only means of support for a while. But he didn't necessarily HAVE to be. I've never been the kind of woman that keeps her head down and her mouth shut. I've never been dependant on a man for my own identity. If anything, I've fought against getting so 'into' a man that we become fused at the hip. So it's hard for me to understand...empathize...with those women. It's hard for me to put myself in their place.

Ziggy and I watch COPS once in a while. There are those women that have been beaten unmercifully, yet take the blame themselves...try to defend the abuser...loudly protest to the cops that they don't want their partner locked up...because they looooove him. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that we kinda make fun of those women, even though we feel sorry for 'em. We sympathize about their injuries. But we shake our heads when they say.....

"But....I LOOOOOOOVE him!"

Anywho, there's an

article

in today's PJStar about a candlelight vigil that was held for victims of domestic abuse.

One particular woman was featured. A women who says she's been involved in five...count 'em....FIVE...abusive relationships.

Uh. Sorry, but I can't manage to work up any empathy there. Nope. No empathy there. Not even any sympathy. None. Nada. Zip.

I'm thinkin that gettin involved in one abusive relationship is understandable. Two? Ok, maybe it's a coincidence and you should be a little...I dunno...alert?...to the fact that shit like that happens. But after the third one, shouldn't you be takin a good hard look at yourself to try to figure out just why you're...askin for it...in a manner of speaking?

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean "asking for it" means they deserve it, so don't go gettin your shorts in a bunch over that statement, ok? No woman deserves to be abused. Period. NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO ABUSE A WOMAN. NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. End of discussion about that.

But five? I don't think there's any excuse...any kind of reasonable explanation...for that. You're no longer a victim. You're either just realllly stupid or there's some major kink in your psyche.

There are literally dozens of agencies and/or support groups out there that help abused women. They can find them safe places to live. They can help them find jobs and childcare. They can offer help with all the legalities. They help with counseling and support in just about every way possible.

So there's no longer any valid reason for a woman to stay in an abusive relationship. There's no longer any valid reason for a woman to be a victim.

Especially not five times.