Don't look now...but I'm green

Don't get me wrong. I'm about as far from a tree hugger as one can be. Personally, I believe us humans are just a minor irritant in Mother Earth's ass crack...a bit of leftover toilet paper, nothing more. She's always renewing herself and she'll continue to do so despite what we do. Or don't do.

That's not to say I don't believe we should keep our own little space on her neat and tidy. I mean, ya don't shit where ya eat, ya know?

But I was just sittin here, thinkin...like it or not...as much as I hate to admit the fact...I'm green.

It's not because I've jumped on the trendy green wagon. It's not because I'm a child of the sixties...a flowerpowersavetheearthbacktonaturehippiedippiedon'tshavemyarmpits chick. It's not because it's the right thing to do.

Um...it's because...well, I suppose part of it is because I'm old. I'm old...and green. I'm a damn cheese, fer chrissake!

But I digress.

Lemme see if I can 'splain.

Some of the "green" things that I do now can be directly blamed...uh...I mean attributed...to my parents...how they lived and how they taught me to live... despite all my kickin and screamin at the time.

I turn the light out when I'm leavin a room. I wish I had a quarter for every time my folks bitched at me about leavin lights on. I'd be a rich bitch.

I like to grow my own veggies and herbs, though I'll admit, the veggies are pretty much Ziggy's job now. Growin up, we always had a huge garden and Mom canned, froze, pickled or otherwise preserved what we weren't able to eat up.

I don't waste a lotta water...we had (and do again) our own well, water pump and septic tank. Runnin the water not only wasted it and filled up the septic tank needlessly, but it ran the electric bill up. We still pretty much stick to the ole If it's yellow, let it mellow (but only twice)...If it's brown, flush'er down. rule around here. I don't run the water constantly when doin dishes or brushin my teeth, either.

I drive a car that gets 30 miles to the gallon. Even when gas was relatively inexpensive (as in under 50 cents a gallon), Dad always bought cars that were economical to operate. I've never been really into the big, cushy gas guzzlers, anyway. I want a car that gets me where I'm goin, in relative comfort, as cheaply as possible with as few bells and whistles as I can get by with.

We try to do without the air conditioning as much as possible. We had fans when I was growin up, but air conditioning was pretty much unheard of where we lived. Now, we're lucky enough to have a shady lot, a great whole house fan and ceiling fans in every room. That's not to say I ever hesitate to turn the air on. When it's hot and humid, I just ain't a nice person.

'Course, some of my "green" habits have come about because...well, because I'm a lazy bitch...and they benefit moi.

Take, fr'instance, the tote bag. I use 'em when I go get groceries. Not because I'm tryin to save the planet. Because they're lots easier for me to carry. And because less plastic bags in the house means less times I hafta chase the damn cat down and pry his jaws open to get the bag out...or worse...pull bits of plastic outa his butt. I have a psycho cat. He eats plastic bags.

I try to buy the least amount of pre-packaged food...and as much fresh...that I can. Not because I'm tryin to personally solve the world's garbage problem. Because I'm tryin to eat healthier. I'm tryin to cut waaaay down on preservatives and additives and sulfites and sulfates and sodium and...well...you get the idea. Most of that stuff is just full of all kindsa crap.

We've nearly switched all our household lights over to compact fluorescent bulbs. Not because it's better for the environment...can't wait to hear all the bitchin 20 years from now when they discover all the mercury in the landfills from 'em. Because they last waaaay longer and we...or I...don't hafta change 'em nearly as often.

I love to recycle stuff. Oh, I don't mean plastic or glass or newspapers. I mean...well...stuff. I love to make things outa other things. Discarded or "found" things. Like furniture. We found an old armoire (sp?) out by the dumpster at our old apartment. It was missing a bottom drawer, but otherwise was in pretty good shape. We dragged it in, gave it a coat of bright red paint, added a couple of fake hot peppers to use as door handles and used it in our kitchen for extra storage. When we moved out here, we "recreated" it again with a coat of black paint, new door handles, a basket in place of the missing drawer and voila!...I use it for clothing storage.

I dunno. It seems to me that most of this green-hype is nothing more than common sense. Unfortunately, common sense isn't trendy right now, is it?

I look good in green...doncha think?