And other random thoughts.
I'm not sure I remember how to write a coherent sentence that anybody will be interested in, let alone how to use Blogspot again. It's been over a year. We'll see what happens.
I'm not dead yet. In fact, I feel better than I have in...oh....probably two years, anyway. The breast is still not back to normal. The oncologist says that, at this point, rather than any infection, it's probably just (yea...just) a bad radiation injury and will probably take a loooong time to heal.
Enough about that.
So. Obsessions. I feel safe in saying that we all have a few. Quirks. Idiosyncrasies. I probably have more than my share. Some of them are good. Fr'instance, I HAVE to brush my teeth every night before bed. And when I do, I can't have anything to eat or drink after, except water. Some of them are irritating. I HAVE to have a fan on when I sleep. I don't care if it's -30 below outside...the fan's on. I HAVE to have exactly 7 ice cubes in my water bottle filled with sparkling H2O when I take it out to the hot tub. Seven. Exactly. Or I feel like the earth will tilt off it's axis or something equally disastrous.
I've often wished that I could harness or control these...obsessions or quirks a little better. Like doing more "good" things and fewer "irritating" ones. Up until this point, I haven't had much luck.
We've had a few really nice days in the last month or so. So nice, in fact, that I've taken the dog for a walk a couple times. Er...rather, she's taken me for a "pull". Now, she's a damn chihuahua. But she dang-near pulls my shoulder out of the socket when we walk. I've tried everything that the dog whisperer has recommended. Nothing makes her stop. She'd make a damn good sled dog...if she weighed more than 9 pounds.
We use a harness when we go for walkies. She hates it, but it doesn't choke her when she pulls so hard. She loves the walks though, so I have to sneak up on her, catch her and keep ahold of her while I put it on or else she wiggles loose and plants herself clear in the back of her crate, where I can't reach her. Talk about your obsessions.....evidently, humans aren't the only animals that are afflicted.
So, the last couple of days, I've gone by myself because she's gone into hiding when it's time. Now, I normally don't even like to walk...for exercise, anyway. I'll walk all over hell and back shopping, but to do it, just for the sake of "because it's good for me"? Nah. It's boring. I can't just...meditate or..."go blank" like I do in the hot tub. And, up until I've lost so much weight, my feet and knees just wouldn't take much punishment. I've wondered to the Zigster if I could make myself start obsessing about walking and wouldn't that be great? But, of course, that couldn't ever happen, could it?
Except....I think it has!
It's really cold and blustery today. The wind is awful. I had no intention, whatsoever, of taking a walk. I went out for my usual daily hot tub soak....and I kept thinking about walking. And I kept thinking about it.
So, here's the conversation in my head:
"I've walked every day for the last 4. It'd be kind of a shame if I quit now, right?"
"So WHAT? You don't LIKE to walk!"
"Yea...I know...but...I've done it 4 times. Now it's like...a rule, yes?"
"Noooo. It's not a rule unless YOU make it one."
"FINE. Go ahead and walk. You aren't gonna like it, though."
And I didn't. Much. But...like....I had to do it.